Recognizing The Past
by musab shamali
Summary: A new case brings back memories from Deeks' childhood, and after a rough day in which the team has been unknowingly hurtful, he's reached his emotional limit. Can Kensi finally understand what is bothering him? And will it destroy their partnership? Or change it for the better? Set late season three.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: this story take place before season three finale and it's a little AU.**

The bullpen in the morning was quiet. Nothing interesting was happening and everyone was focusing on his or her paperwork, with just a few annoying behaviors from Deeks who couldn't sit still in his chair. It was obvious that he was bored, but so was everyone else; it had been a whole week since they'd had a case, and the last one hadn't been easy. Everyone kept that to themselves, except for Deeks… who apparently just couldn't do that. He was getting on everyone's nerves, especially those of his partner's.

"Oh God! Deeks! Can't you just shut up?" Kensi exclaimed after another one of Deeks' annoying rambles.

He glanced at her with a smirk on his face. "What? I'm just trying to have some fun."

"Well can you do it without talking?" She demanded irritably.

"Oh come on. I know that you like my voice," he teased, trying to get a rise out of her because he loved it when she was a little mad (just not too mad).

Kensi groaned. "Oh my God. Sometimes I don't know how I put up with you. They should give me an award just for putting up with the most annoying person on earth."

"Come on Princess! You know that I'm awesome all of the time," he heard a chuckle from Sam and Callen but he continued on, "and you wouldn't have it any other way," he finished, grinning.

"Again with the nicknames! I told you to stop it! Not to mention the cockiness you have. Were you this annoying when you were a kid? Because I'd give your parents a prize for putting up with you and liking you," Kensi replied teasingly, a smile slipping onto her face. The smile quickly faded when she saw the look of fear and hurt that crossed her partner's face, before he quickly averted her gaze. She gave him a questioning look but before she could add anything, Eric whistled to get their attention.

"Finally!" Deeks was the first one to jump from his seat and go running up the stairs, leaving Kensi to try and catch up, but she was stopped by Hetty's voice.

"Mr. Deeks, a word in my office please," she called.

With a confused look on his face, Deeks began to climb back down the stairs. He met Kensi at the bottom but didn't make eye contact.

"What's wrong?" She asked him in concern.

"I don't know," he replied in a cold tone before brushing past her to get to Hetty's office.

Kensi's concern grew and she had so many thoughts rolling around in her head as she walked into Ops. 'What's wrong with him? His behavior changed so suddenly and it happened while we were talking so it must be something I said… I need to fix this a.s.a.p. I can't bear it when he's angry with me—even though he is annoying and cocky, I wouldn't want any other partner but him.'

In Hetty's office Deeks sat on the chair across from her. "Is there something wrong, Hetty?"

She stared at him with a concerned gaze before saying, "I needed to talk to you about the case, away from the others."

"Okay...?"

"The case is of a Marine who claims that he, his wife, and his son have been attacked in their house."

"Okay… is there anything we know about the reason behind the attack on him and his family?" Deeks inquired, not sure of the reason why she'd felt the need to pull him aside to talk to him in private.

"That is where the problem lies, Mr. Deeks; I saw the picture of them after the attack and my suspicions were aroused from what I saw."

"How so?"

"In the picture I saw multiple bruises on the wife and the ten year old son, but only one cut on the husbands head, indicating to me that he was only struck once."

"So what are you saying, Hetty?" Deeks asked, not liking where she was going with this.

"I'm sorry to say this, Mr. Deeks, and it has not yet been confirmed, but I think that there is a chance that Mr. Patrick Kiver was the on behind all of this," she finished quietly, waiting for his reaction.

"Are you saying that this Patrick—whatever his last name is—abused his wife and son?" Deeks demanded, voice rising slightly.

"I'm not saying that, Mr. Deeks, but the pictures make me believe it is possible, though we must have it confirmed first," she replied in a soothing voice.

"So what do you want from me? You want me off the case?"

"Actually, I want you to do something for me, Mr. Deeks, to help in the understanding of this case so that we know which way to go. I know it's already hard enough for you, but you can understand the situation better than most… but if you don't want to do it and if you would like to be removed from the case, I will understand and won't think any less of you."

"You want me to go there and find out if he was abusing his family or not because I can relate and would know if that's what happened or not," he murmured, pain evident in his voice.

"Exactly, Mr. Deeks. But as I said, you don't have to do it if you don't want to," she assured him, trying to get the point across that she knew that this would be difficult and she didn't want him to feel pressured…

… But being Deeks, he did feel like all of the pressure of this case was on him, and he knew he needed to figure out what had happened; this was the main reason he had become a cop, to help kids in these situations. He needed to find out the truth and get this case solved.

"I'll do it, but this stays between us, okay Hetty? I don't want anyone from the team knowing about my past; I don't want to change how they look at me."

"As you wish, Mr. Deeks, but they wouldn't think any less of you. I think you should at least tell your partner about this; she would be able to help you," Hetty advised.

Deeks considered it for a moment, but shrugged it away when he thought about what had happened just a short while earlier in the bullpen. "Can I see the photos of the case?" He asked Hetty, who nodded and handed him the file.

"I will be upstairs with the others. Join us when you are ready." Hetty said, rising.

Deeks nodded his understanding and she left him alone. Beginning to browse through the photos, Deeks felt his stomach start to knot as he remembered all of the times when his dad was drunk.

In Ops, they were waiting for Hetty and Deeks to join them before starting the debrief. Kensi got more nervous with every passing minute, and for a moment she was relieved when the sliding doors opened, but then that relief was replaced with even more worry when she saw Hetty was alone.

"Where's Deeks?" Callen voiced the question in Kensi's mind.

"Mr. Deeks will join us in a few minutes," Hetty answered him cryptically, before she turned to Eric. "Mr. Beale, would you start the debrief please?"

At Hetty's orders, Eric began to speak. "This is Patrick Kiver, a marine who served two tours in Afghanistan. He and his family—Mrs. Jenna Kiver and their ten year old son William—were attacked yesterday in their house." Eric hit a few buttons on his tablet and pictures of the family in the hospital and the crime scene appeared on the screen. "Mrs. Kiver and William are still unconscious, but Mr. Kiver woke up this morning and gave a statement saying intruders broke into the house and beat him and his family."

"Did he say anything about being threatened or that he'd done something lately that might have pissed someone off enough to do this to him and his family?" Callen asked Eric.

"Well we did a background check on him and, until now, nothing has come up. We'll dig further and see what we can find," Eric answered before turning back to the computer.

At that moment, Deeks entered Ops and everyone turned to look at him. Kensi tried to meet his gaze, but he kept his eyes on the screen.

"Okay," Callen started, "Kensi, you and Dekes go to the hospital to talk to Patrick while Sam and I check out the crime scene." Callen started for the door but was stopped by Deeks.

"Actually, I think Kensi and I should go to the crime scene while you and Sam go to the hospital."

This earned a glare from Callen and Sam, and a confused look from Kensi.

"What?" Sam questioned annoyed by Deeks words "who assigned you as a team leader?".

Deeks gave no sign that he'd heard Sam, but Kensi didn't like Sam's attitude. "Sam! What the Hell?" She retorted, angry at how he'd just insulted her partner. Deeks smiled faintly before pushing it away.

"I think I agree with Mr. Deeks on this. Ms. Blye and Mr. Deeks will take the crime scene, and Mr. Callen and Mr. Hanna will go to the hospital to talk to Mr. Kiver," Hetty spoke, ending the dispute.

In the car…

Kensi and Deeks drove in silence for a long time, until Kensi was fed up by it. "Okay. What's wrong, Deeks?"

Deeks eyed her, contemplating on telling her or not, before he answered, "Nothing's wrong."

"Deeks, I know you better than anyone, and right now you are mad and I know that you are mad at me because of something I said this morning. I don't know what it was, but I'm sorry if I said anything that upset you."

"Don't worry about it, it's okay," he replied.

"Okay, then what did Hetty want from you this morning?" She asked, changing tactics.

"Nothing. Just wanted to review some of my paperwork," he answered nonchalantly, looking out the window.

"So are you okay?" She asked again.

"I'm okay. Can we just focus on this case now?" Deeks asked, frustrated by her persistence.

At that response Kensi knew that her partner was not okay; he was hiding something from her, and she was going to find out what it was, because it was bothering him enough for him to be silent and not to be his usual annoying self—not like the partner she knows and cares about. She'd discovered recently, after their undercover assignment as a married couple, that she was in love with him—and she needed to fix everything and help him get back to his old self.

They spent the whole drive in an uncomfortable silence. Nothing happened, except a call from Callen telling them what Patrick's statement was, until they entered the house. They began to check out the house, looking over the living room which had shattered furniture and was a complete disaster.

"According to Callen," Kensi told Deeks, "here is where one of the assailants threw Kiver and his head on the coffee table. The glass broke and he blacked out and he doesn't remember anything else."

"Right." Deeks muttered sarcastically.

"What?" Kensi asked, having not heard what he'd said.

"Nothing," he replied quickly.

The moment Deeks entered, his past life came flooding back. The living room looked exactly like all of those times his father had come home. He checked the door to see if there were any signs of breaking and entering, but there was nothing. He checked the back door and his suspicions were heightened when he saw the marks were from the inside and not the outside. He checked every window of the house and got nothing. He and Kensi separated to check the rooms: Deeks checked Williams' room and found a drawing book. Looking inside he saw paintings of a scared boy in a corner, knees pulled up to his chest. There were also ones of a crying woman with lots of bandages on her. He checked the closet and found some clothes with dried blood on them, and that was when he knew that the father was abusing his family. Anger filled him.

Deeks walked out of the room. "Kensi!" He yelled.

She came running, pulling her gun out, worried by his call. When she saw the look in his eyes, it terrified her enough that she almost took a step back. "What's wrong?" She asked hesitantly.

"We need to get to the hospital," he stated, walking past her.

"Did something happen to you?" She rushed after him, holstering her gun.

"Nothing happened, but we need to talk to Patrick," Deeks spat.


	2. Chapter 2

On their way, Deeks took out his phone and dialed Hetty's number. "Hey Hetty."

Kensi couldn't help listening.

"It's about what we spoke of earlier." Deeks continued, making Kensi even more concerned. "Yes. I'm sure of it… Okay… we are going there now." He hung up.

"What's going on, Deeks?" Kensi asked.

"There wasn't any sign of anyone breaking into the house; it was Patrick. The bastard did all of this! He was abusing his family." Deeks took a deep breath and died.

"How do you know that?" She questioned, unsure of how he could have learned that when they'd only spent fifteen minute in the house.

"There were no forced entry marks on the outside of the door—actually, I'm pretty sure he tried to make it look like someone had broken in, but he was stupid because the marks were on the inside of the backdoor. I checked all of the windows and all of them were locked and none of them were broken. I'm telling you, he is the one who did all of this." Deeks finished explaining, anger radiating from him.

Kensi kept an eye on him all the way to the hospital. His breathing was a little more heavily, but he was trying to calm himself down… trying to take deep breaths.

When they arrived at the hospital, Deeks went to check on the wife and son and talked to the doctor about their condition. When he entered the room, he immediately saw the bruises on their bodies and, as he'd suspected, he saw old ones as well as the new ones. The doctor confirmed his suspicions, but Deeks knew that when they confronted Patrick, he would just stick to the story that some intruders attacked him and his family.

Deeks shared his thoughts with the team, but Callen cautioned, "in order to get a strong case in court, we would need the wife or the son to make a statement."

So they sat in the waiting area, waiting for Jenna to wake up. Hetty joined them after a while, and two hours later, the wife awoke. When she'd been checked by the doctors, the team entered.

"Mrs. Kiver, could you please tell us what happened last night?" Callen asked her quietly.

Jenna tried not to make any eye contact; she was clearly embarrassed and felt exposed because she tried to pull the covers up to cover more of her body. "Someone—someone broke into our house and h—hit Patrick and then turned on William and me and started to hit us…"

Deeks cut her off. "Oh come on. That's not what happened and you know it. Why are you trying to cover for him?" Deeks snapped at her, bringing tears to her eyes which brought him angry glares from his team mates.

"Deeks!" Kensi hissed in a warning tone.

Hetty cut in. "Let's give Mr. Deeks and Mrs. Kiver a moment alone." She left no room for argument and ushered everyone else out of the room.

"Ma'am?" Deeks asked, more gently. He tried to get her attention but she kept her eyes firmly on her son, lying in the bed next to hers. It was there that Deeks found the right opening. "You see that? You see your son? Is that what you want? For him to grow up in that Hell, waiting for his father to beat the crap out of him? To beat the crap out of you? Look at yourself. Why do you defend him? And don't think of lying because I saw everything in the apartment, and I know that no one broke in. He did all of this, and whether you are defending him out of fear or love, it's not right because it's just going to keep coming and coming… it won't stop." His voice cracked and trailed off as memories began seeping into his mind.

Jenna cried more. "Let's assume you are right… how the Hell do you know about that?" She snapped at him through the tears streaming down her face.

"Because I've been there. I've been through all of it. My mom took all of that crap, saying that he loved us, but I didn't believe her for a second, because there is no way in Hell that someone who loves you would do this to hurt you! No way would they beat you until you are on the edge of being dead," he told her fervently.

"How—h—how did you get out of it?" She asked timidly.

"It didn't end well… my mom kept saying it would get better until one night he pulled a shotgun on us. Before I shot him in self-defense, he managed to fire once and hit my mother; she almost died, and would have if the neighbors hadn't called 911. So, please. Just tell us the truth and he will never hurt you or William again." Deeks pleaded tears gathering in the corner of his eyes.

"Okay." she answered him.

Relieved, Deeks moved towards the door. "I'll go get my team so they can take your statement." At her nod, he left.

"She is ready to talk," Deeks told the team. Hetty and Kensi noticed the glassy eyes that were slightly red, but said nothing.

"Well, who would've thought that Shaggy is an expert in abuse." Sam said without thinking, immediately regretting his words as he realized how cutting they were. Deeks gave him an angry look then stormed out before he did something he would later regret.

"Mr. Deeks!" "Deeks!" Hetty and Kensi called after him at the same time.

Hetty turned to Sam with a glare. "What have you done, Mr. Hanna?" She demanded angrily.

"What?" He asked, confused.

"Oh for the love of God!" Hetty muttered, slumping back in her chair.

"Hetty, what's wrong? Why did Deeks storm out?" Callen asked, concerned for the detective.

"I'm sorry but I can't tell you this, it's up to Mr. Deeks to tell you that, not I."

"Hetty! Please tell us! He was different from the moment he came to Ops. What's wrong with him?" Kensi pleaded.

Hetty sighed. "Well, the reason why I talked to Mr. Deeks this morning was because I had my suspicions that this was a case of abuse and I needed to talk to Mr. Deeks to make sure he would be able to work this case."

"And why is that?" Sam asked.

"Because Mr. Deeks was abused for several years when he was a kid." Hetty told them with a sigh.

"What?!" They exclaimed together, shocked at what they'd heard.

"His father used to abuse him and his mother, and I'm afraid it did not end well; his father was about to shoot them with a shotgun when Deeks was able to shoot first. Mr. Deeks' mother was struck by his father's stray fire and ended up in the hospital. His father ended up in prison. Now, I trust you understand how wrong your words were, Mr. Hanna?"

"Oh my God." Kensi cried.

"What's wrong, Ms. Blye?"

"This morning… this morning we were talking and he was annoying us and I just snapped at him! I told him that I would give his parents a prize for putting up with him, and—my God—I said I would give a prize to his father—the man who abused him when he was a kid! That's why he was angry with me this morning! That's why he was behaving differently…. He must hate me." Kensi fell to her knees, crying.

A moment later she leapt to her feet. "I need to see him!" She exclaimed, storming out and leaving the others to complete the case.

She got in the car and headed for the Mission as fast as she could, trying to catch up with him. She called his phone, but it kept going to voicemail. She cursed under her breath. When she reached the Mission she went directly to the bullpen. She found his bag but not him. She checked the whole building but he was nowhere to be seen. She went to Ops and asked Eric and Nell to track his phone, then all she could do was wait.

It was night when Eric called her and told her that Deeks was back in his apartment. She went there immediately. Kensi sighed in relief when she saw his car in the parking lot, but she got worried when she noticed the lights were off in his apartment. She climbed the stairs and knocked gently on the door. No answer. "Deeks, I know you are here, please open the door!" Kensi called in a soft voice, knocking a little harder. Again she got no response.

"Deeks, open the door!" She said more loudly, knocking more heavily. She heard shuffling behind the door, but it never opened. "Deeks please open the door." She begged, voice cracking.

"Please leave." A voice whispered from the other side. It broke her heart a little to hear how full of pain it was.

"Deeks I'm not gonna leave. I need to talk to you." She pleaded as a couple of tears found their way down her cheeks.

"There is nothing to talk about. Just leave!" He replied coldly.

Kensi knew that he was not going to open the door, but she wasn't going to leave him alone. She took her gear and picked the lock. When she opened the door, the room was dark. She switched the lights on and what she saw made her heart break more: Deeks was sitting on the floor his back to the couch and a bottle of Jack Daniels whisky almost empty in his hand. He took another swig from it.

Kensi walked forward and knelt in front of him. She took the whisky bottle from his hand… he didn't resist, just threw his head back against the couch and stared at the ceiling. "What do you want, Kensi? I'm just an annoying partner, so leave me alone." He muttered, not looking at her.

"I'm sorry, Deeks. I didn't mean it like that. I was just kidding about the parents remark." That got a chuckle from him. "You know that I wouldn't want anyone but you to be my partner, and I wouldn't change anything about you. You are perfect to me, Deeks." She raised her hands to cup his face and caressed his scruffy cheeks gently. She forced his gaze to lock with hers so that he could see she meant every single word.

"Deeks you are a great man, and a great cop, and what I said this morning—and what Sam said this morning at the hospital—was wrong. It shouldn't have happened and I'm sorry it got like that. Sam knows he was mistaken, and Hetty told us about the case and what happened to you… we all know we went too far and I'm so sorry for that Deeks."

He tensed and pulled away from her. "Hetty told you? So you are doing all of this just out of pity? Is that how everyone is thinking of me now?" He snapped, moving to get up and get away from her, but he stumbled and fell.

Kensi rushed to him and helped him settle against the couch again. He tried to shrug her hand away, but she kept a firm grip on him. "Look Deeks. I'm not trying to pity you; I would never do that to you. You are my partner and I care about you, so don't push me away or tell me to leave because I'm not going anywhere."

"Why won't you leave me alone? Why do you care?" Deeks demanded, irritating Kensi.

"Because I love you!" She yelled back at him, frustrated with his idiotic brain.

Deeks eyes widened and his jaw dropped in shock. When he looked at Kensi's face, he saw his expression mirrored there.

'Did I just tell him that I loved him?' She thought furiously to herself.

"Did you just say that you love me?" Deeks asked wonderingly, not sure if he was awake or if this was just a fabulous dream.

"I… what I…" Kensi stammered, not knowing what to say. She didn't know how Deeks felt about her, and if he didn't have the same feelings for her, then she would be destroying their partnership.

"Kensi, did you just say that? Or did it come out wrong?" Deeks became serious. He loved Kensi, but he didn't know if she felt the same and now he had the chance to know…

Kensi was taken aback by his sudden seriousness, and she started to doubt that he was actually drunk. She didn't know what to say, but the seriousness of his words made her believe that he was waiting for her to confirm what she'd said… like he'd been waiting for this conversation to happen for a long time.

"And what if I said yes…. What would happen?" She whispered, staring at him.

"Well, that would depend on whether you meant what you said or if you just said that out of pity for me…" he said with a hint of a smile on his face.

Kensi contemplated his words, and when she saw his small smile, she went for it. "I told you I would never pity you Deeks… And yes… I meant what I said. All of it," she answered him, waiting for his reaction. She saw his smile widen at her words.

Deeks couldn't be happier; the woman of his dreams, the woman he loved had just confirmed to him that she was in love with him. He sat up and cupped her face with his hands, closed the gap between them, and kissed her softly and sweetly on the lips, pouring all of his emotions and feelings into the gesture. "I love you too, Kensi." He murmured as they parted for air.

Kensi smiled into his lips. This felt right—actually, it felt wonderful. She wasn't scared or panicked or feeling the need to run away, quite on the contrary. She pulled him to his feet, guided him to his room, and helped him into the bed.

"Please, don't leave me alone?" Deeks pleaded in a quiet voice, and Kensi couldn't have been happier. She took off her jeans, and took off his shirt, before slipping under the covers and lying down.

Deeks shifted closer to her and pulled her towards him so that she was resting her head on his shoulder. She nuzzled her face into his neck, inhaling his scent—a scent she absolutely loved, especially after he'd been surfing. "I will never leave you Deeks." She murmured into his neck, giving him a light kiss.


End file.
